Addicted To Love
by docsangel
Summary: Shayne is trying to get sober and get away from an abusive boyfriend. When she goes to her first meeting, she finds her sponsor but will he be her saving grace or will she fall back into using?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Standing outside the church, fidgeting. Trying to get the courage to go inside. I'm nine days sober and I need to stay that way. I have to. If I don't I'll die. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. It would still be better than where I was. I look around and contemplate going after that next hit. I know where my dealers are. I could go to Kris' house. He'd give me a hit. If I do that, him and his friends will have their fun with me again while I'm too high to give a shit. Looking back at my car and then the church doors, I decide to walk in the doors.

Walking into the room where the NA meeting is being held, I walk in and slip into a chair in the back. Keeping my head down, I start rubbing one of my arms while chewing on the thumbnail of my hand. Looking around out of the corner of my eye, I see people standing around talking but no one notices me. The doctor that told me about this meeting said it would be good to share. Maybe listen to a few people first. I listen to some of the others share and then the mediator asks "Anyone else like to share?" before looking around. I raise my hand and she says "Come on sweetheart."

I walk up to the podium and say "My name is Shayne and I'm an addict." I say like everyone else did. "I've been sober for nine days and...um...it's not been easy. I got here tonight and contemplated going to find a hit. I...um...almost OD'd and the doctor told me this would be a good place to start I guess." I say. "Um...that's it I guess. Thanks." I say before slipping back to my seat in the back of the room, with my head still down.

After the meeting is done, I try to slip out when I hear my name. "Shayne?" I stop and turn around but don't look up. "Hey." the man says. He has blonde spiky hair, blue eyes, nice build and almost sounds concerned. "You did good up there." he tells me. "Thanks." I say. "You have a sponsor yet?" he asks. "What's that?" I ask. "It's someone from the program for you to call when you start feeling the urge. Someone that's been there and can help you past it." he tells me. "Oh. No I don't." I say. "Look, we don't know each other but I see that look. I was there three years ago." he tells me and I look up at him but still don't meet his eyes. "There's a diner across the street. Let's get some coffee and talk." he tells me and I just nod.

We walk across the street and head inside. Getting a booth, he orders us both coffee and he says "How'd you start using?" My hands are in my lap and his are on the table. "I was living with my boyfriend...ex-boyfriend and he...um...hit me one night. Him and his friends...um...held me down and shot me up and they took turns on me while I was too high to fight them off. When they didn't want me to fight, they'd shoot me up and I haven't been able to stop." I tell him. "You still living with him?" he asks. I just look down at my hands. "You gotta get out of there or it's not going to stop." he tells me. "I don't have anywhere to go. I'm staying at a motel." I tell him. "Good. At least you're out of there. Give me your phone." he says and I put it on the table. He puts his number in and says "My name's Herman but you can call me Herm. My number is in your phone so you need me, you call me. I don't care what time it is or what I'm doing. I'll be here." he tells me. "Why are you helping me?" I ask. "I've been there. I was lucky that my brothers helped me get clean. Now it's time to pay it forward. I'm your sponsor sweetheart. But I need you to call me once a day to let me know you're okay." he tells me. "Thank you." I tell him. "Tell me a little about you...but no last names." he tells me. "I'm twenty seven and from Georgia. Both parents are gone and no siblings. Moved here for a fresh start." I say, laughing sarcastically. "What about you?" I ask. "Thirty-six, mechanic, ride a Harley. Parents are gone, have one brother but we don't talk." he tells me. "How'd you get started if you don't mind me asking?" I ask. "Nah. It's good. I was seeing this chick and her brother was a dealer. We were partying one night and she wanted me to shoot up with her and I did. Loved the high and before I knew it, that high was all I could think about." he tells me. "How'd you get clean? I know you said your brothers helped." I tell him. "Yeah, one of my brothers saw me on the floor of my room and I was OD'ing. Almost died. He about beat my ass but put me through our own version of rehab and made me start coming to the meetings. Been clean three years and come to one once a week no matter what." he tells me and I nod. After talking a little more, we head outside. He walks me to my car and I say "Thank you Herm." He puts his hand on my shoulder and I tense a little. "I won't hurt you and I won't let anyone else hurt you either." he tells me and I relax a little, believing him. "You call me anytime you need me. Understand?" he asks and I nod. I get into my car and head to the hotel and he gets on his bike and heads home.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Pulling up to the clubhouse, Koz gets off his bike and heads inside. "How'd it go?" the SAMTAC President asks. "Good. Girl showed up. Nine days sober. Volunteered to be her sponsor." he tells Lee. "You ready for that?" Lee asks. "Yeah. I am. Been sober three years and out of everyone there, I'm the only one she let come close to her." Koz says. "You know club comes first but you let us know what you need to help her." Lee says and Koz thanks him before heading to his dorm room.

Walking into the dorm, he sits on his bed and takes his three year chip out of the pocket of his kutte. Thinking back to when he first got sober and how hard it was for him. Remembering what Lee and the rest of the guys told him. Making a mental list of things to talk to me about and have me do to get past it so that I can move on to a better place than I was.

I walk into the hotel room and put my things on the bed. I get a shower and sit against the headboard. Pulling my phone out of my bag, I look at it and see Kris on the caller ID as my phone rings. I hit ignore for it to go to voicemail...again.

It's been a few days since my last meeting and I've barely left this hotel room. I get up and head to a meeting. Walking in, I see Herm standing by one of the tables talking to another woman and I take my seat at the back like I did last time. I have on my hoodie like I always do and have the hood up and my hands tucked into the front pocket of the hoodie. Someone sits next to me and I look out of the corner of my eye to see Herm. "Hey." he says. "Hey." I say. "How have you been?" he asks. "Okay I think. Talking to you every day helps." I tell him. "Good. You wanna go for coffee after?" he asks and I just nod.

After the meeting, we head to the diner across the street and take the same booth we did last time. "How come you didn't come over and say hi when you walked in?" he asks. Without really looking at him I say "You were busy." He laughs a little and says "Nah. I'm never too busy to talk to you." he says and I just nod. I look out the window nervously and he says "Talk to me." I shake my head and he asks "What is it?" Before I can answer, my phone rings again and I hit ignore and put my head on my arms down on the table. He picks up my phone and looks at it and asks "Kris your ex?" he asks and I nod my head yes. He asks "How many times has he called you?" I sit up and say "He blows my phone up. I keep ignoring him." He looks at me a second and asks "Are you scared of him?" I nod my head but say "I keep thinking that all of this would stop if I went back to him like he wants me to but then I don't have a chance of being sober." I tell him. "Shayne, look at me." he says and I look at him. "You don't have to go back to him. You getting sober is a good thing. Means you're strong and that you want more for yourself. You got this and I'm going to be here the whole way, okay?" he asks and I nod my head. "Thank you Herm." I say.

After finishing our coffee, we head out separate ways. Walking into the motel room, I sit against the headboard of the bed and think about what he told me. I can't go back to Kris. I have to get sober. I have to do this for me.

It's been almost a week and I have called Herm every day to check in. "Hey baby girl." he says as he answers. "Hey Herm. Just doing my check in." I tell him. "You coming to the meeting tonight?" he asks. "Coffee after?" I ask and he laughs and says "Yeah. We can do coffee after." he tells me. "Thanks Herm. Believe it or not, our talks really help." I tell him. "Good. That's all I want is for you to be sober and happy." he tells me. "See you tonight?" I ask. "Yeah baby girl. See you tonight." he tells me.

When I hang up the phone, there's a knock on my door. I open the door and see Kris standing there with his two best friends. "You thought you could hide from me?" he asks as he walks into the hotel room. Before I can speak, he punches me, knocking me down. He keeps punching me until I pass out. When I wake up, I am on the floor still with my shirt torn open and my jeans and underwear are on the other side of the room. I get up and walk to the bathroom. I look at my arms and thank God that they didn't shoot me up again. I look in the mirror and see bruises already forming. I can't go to the meeting tonight looking like this. Herm can't see me like this. A couple of hours later, my phone rings and I see it's Herm on the screen. I answer so he doesn't worry. "Hey." I say. "Hey baby girl. Where are you?" he asks. "I think I ate something that didn't settle well. Been sick the last little bit." I tell him. "You okay?" he asks. "I will be. I'm gonna head to bed." I tell him. "Yeah. Okay. Call me tomorrow for check in." he tells me. "I will." I tell him before we end the call.

Two days later, I decide I need a meeting. I head to the church and into the meeting. I have my hoodie on again and the hood is up and I am looking down at my hands. Someone takes the seat next to me and I hear his voice. "Feeling better?" he asks and I say "Yeah. Thanks." I say without looking up. He tilts my chin up and sees my bruised face and says "We need to talk after the meeting." I just nod as I fight off the tears.

After the meeting, we walk outside and I head to my car with him behind me. "You wanna tell me what happened?" he asks. I don't look at him but say "The night I said I had food poisoning, Kris and two of his friends showed up at the motel. They found me." I tell him. I lean against my car and fight off the tears again. "What happened?" he asks. "Same as always. Beat the shit out of me and then I woke up with no clothes on but on a good note they didn't drug me this time." I say. "Shit. You can't go back there." he tells me. "I'll find another motel." I tell him. "He's just going to find you again." he tells me. "I'll figure it out. As long as I stay sober right?" I ask and he looks at me concerned. "I'll be fine Herm." I tell him. He pulls out a phone and hands it to me. "It's a burner. Best bet is to get rid of your phone. There's only one number programmed in and it's mine. I have that number programmed into my phone." he says before tilting my chin up to look at him "I will never not answer. Understand me?" he asks and I nod my understanding. After talking to Herm, he follows me to the motel to help me pack up and helps me move to another motel but puts the room in his name for me. "Thank you Herm." I tell him. "I got you. Okay?" he says and I nod. He hugs me and I stiffen a little. He looks at me and asks "Are you going to be okay tonight?" I nod and say "Yeah. I'll call you tomorrow for check in." Kissing my cheek he says "Call me anytime." I nod and he sees his way out before I lay on the bed and sob.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Waking up the next morning, I feel like shit. I sit up on the bed and think about things. I think about what I've been through. I think about the beatings, the drugs and the rapes. Just thinking about it makes me want to use. I look at the burner and contemplate calling Herm but I don't. I pick up the phone and call my old dealer. "Hey...can you meet me...in thirty?" I ask and he says yes. Forty-Five minutes later, I am sitting in my motel room with an eight ball in front of me. I look at the drugs and then my burner rings. Only one person has my number...well two now that I called my dealer. I answer the phone. "Herm." I say simply and he says "Where are you?" he asks concerned suddenly and I feel the tears start to fall. "Herm, I need you." I say and he says "I'm on my way. Are you at the room?" he asks. "Yeah." I say and he says "I'm on my way baby girl." before hanging up.

A few minutes later, there's a knock on the door. I look through the peephole and see Herm standing there. I open the door and he pulls me to him as he walks inside and closes the door. "Are you hurt?" he asks and I shake my head no. I pull away from him and move to the side so he can see what's on the bed. "Shayne?" he asks. "I'm sorry." I say as the tears start to fall again. He cups my face and asks "Did you use?" I shake my head and whisper "No." He lets out a sigh of relief and pulls me into him. "It's okay. You didn't use." he tells me. Pulling away just a little, he says "Baby girl, listen to me. You have to get rid of it." he tells me. "Herm…" I start but he cups my face again and looks into my eyes and says "Baby, you can do this. You have to make the decision. I can't do it for you." he tells me. I pull away from him. I walk over to the bed and pick up the eight ball. I head to the bathroom and Herm follows me. I look at the baggie and toss it in the toilet, flushing. I look at Herm and he smiles softly at me. I back away from the toilet and against the wall. I slide down to the floor and sob. Herm sits beside me and pulls me into his arms and lets me cry.

When I stop crying, I pull away but he doesn't let me go. "I'm so sorry Herm. I didn't mean to let you down." I say. Tilting my chin to look at him, he says "You didn't let me down and you didn't use. But you need a meeting." he tells me and I nod. We get up and head out to a meeting.

After listening to a couple of other people share, I am still in my chair in the back, looking down at my hands while Herm holds my hand. "Anyone else like to share?" the moderator asks. I raise my hand and stand to walk to the podium. "I'm Shayne and I'm an addict." I start and they all say "Hi Shayne." I start my share. "I almost used today. I called my old dealer and bought an eight ball and I almost used. My ex is stalking me. Won't leave me alone. I've been hiding from him. I was thinking about all of the beatings and the rapes and just everything and I couldn't handle it. I wanted to use. Still want to. But, just when I needed it, my sponsor called me to check on me. He could tell something was wrong and came to talk me down. If it weren't for him, I would have used. I wouldn't have had the strength not to. I want to be sober. I want to stay sober. Thank you." I say and step down from the podium. I walk over to my seat and as soon as I sit down, Herm grabs my hand. Leaning over, he says "You did good baby girl." I just nod.

After the meeting, we go for coffee like we always do. Sitting in the booth, Herm looks at me and asks "Are you okay?" I shake my head. "I don't think I'll ever really be okay." I tell him as a tear falls. He reaches over and takes my hand and says "No matter what, I will always be here. You hear me?" he asks and I just nod. I look up at him and don't see pity but see concern.

We walk out of the diner and he walks me to my car and I hear my name. "Shayne." I freeze and Herm stops beside me. "There you are Shayne. I've been looking all over for you." he says like I should be happy to see him. "Can I help you dude?" Herm says as he pulls me behind him. "You can let go of my girl for starters." Kris says. Herm turns his head slightly and asks "This him?" I nod and whisper "Yes." Kris is standing there with his two friends, Jamie and Mark. "She ain't your girl so I suggest you walk away." Herm says. "Well it's three on one so what are you going to do?" Kris asks. Herm hands me his burner and says "Speed dial two. Tell them where we are and to get here." he tells me.

I open the phone and hit speed dial two like he says and a voice comes on. "Koz, where are you?" the vioce says. "This is Shayne. We're at the diner, Crossroads. Herm said you need to get here." I say. "On our way." the voice said and they end the call. "Shayne, come here." Kris says and I hold on to Herm's hand tighter. "I said come the fuck here, Shayne." Kris says again. "She ain't yours dude. She ain't going nowhere with you." Herm says. "Herm…" I start. "No." he tells me as he puts his arm around me and pulls me into his side. "Who the fuck are you?" Kris asks. "Her Old Man." Herm says and I stiffen more. "Old Man? Yeah right. You really want her prude ass? Hell, had to drug her to have any fun." Kris says and all of a sudden we hear bikes pulling up. I start to panic and Herm says "It's okay. Trust me?" he asks and I nod my head.

Two guys get off of their bikes and walk over. "There a problem here?" One man asks. "Nothing that concerns you. Just trying to get my girl." Kris says. "Told you she ain't your girl." Herm says, pissed off. "Herm…" I start and he looks back at me, barely. "Just let me go. It will he be easier this way." I tell him. "That what you want?" he asks. "Doesn't matter what I want." I tell him as I move away from him. "See, she wants to come to me." Kris says. "Shayne." Herm starts. I turn to him and he says "You're not going." He pulls me to him and kisses the top of my head and says "You're with me." I nod and one of the other guys says "You heard them. She ain't going nowhere." Kris looks pissed and says "I'll find you again Shayne and when I do, you're mine." before him and his friends walk away.

Herm turns to me and sees me hyperventilating. Cupping my face he says "Look at me baby girl. Breathe with me. I got you baby." he says over and over until I start to calm down. I just nod my head as he pulls me closer and just holds me.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After Kris and his friends leave, Herm still holding me close, he says "Shayne, these are my brothers Lee and Lorca. Guys, this is Shayne." Herm says. "Nice to meet you sweetheart." Lee says. "You too. Thank you guys." I say softly. I feel Herm kiss the top of my head. He tilts my head up and says "I don't want you staying alone." I shake my head and say "I'll be fine." as I pull away from him. Herm runs his hand down his face and asks "Why? So he can find you again? This is twice he's found you since we met. He'll find you again and when he does, do you think he's going to be gentle with you?" I put my face in my hands and start to sob. Herm pulls me to him and just holds me. I get myself together and say "I better go. I'm sorry." I say and head for my car. "Shayne. Wait." Herm says but I keep going. He grabs my hand and stops me. "You can't leave. Please." he says and I stop but don't look at him. He turns me around and cups my face and says "Baby girl, listen to me. You can't go back to that room alone. He found you here. You think he hasn't found the room? I'm taking you to get your things and you're staying with me." He tells me. "Herm…" I start but he stops me with a kiss to the lips. "I meant what I told that fucker. You're with me now." he tells me and I just nod.

We head to the motel to get my things and my door is standing open. "Get in the car and lock your doors." he tells me and I nod my head. He takes a gun out of his kutte and it's then that I pay enough attention to see they are SONS. I watch as him and Lee go inside the motel room and Lorca is standing by my driver door. They come back out and as he walks to my door, I get out and he pulls me close. "They tossed shit around but nothing seems to be destroyed. Pack your things baby and we'll head to the clubhouse. You'll be staying with me from now on." he tells me before kissing me softly. "Thank you." I say. As I walk into the room, I hear Lee "Koz, you serious about this?" I keep packing up but focus on listening. "Yeah man. I can't get her out of my fucking head. I worry about all the time. When I'm around her, everything makes fucking sense." He tells Lee and I can't help but smile a little. But I know what will happen. He's helping me. That's all it is. He feels responsible for me. He walks in the door and asks "You about ready?" I stop what I'm doing and just stand there looking at my bag. He walks over to me and sits on the bed next to where I am standing and pulls me between his knees. "Talk to me baby girl." he says. "I heard what you told Lee." I say. "And?" he asks. "Herm, you don't mean that." I say. "Why don't I?" he asks. "You just feel responsible for me. Soon enough you'll see what Kris did and get tired of me too. Only difference is I know you won't hurt me or drug me." I tell him. Pulling me down into his lap, he kisses me softly and says "That's not it at all. I feel responsible for you, yes. But I care about you. I worry about you. I need you. Even just hearing your voice at check in makes me feel at peace. Baby, I won't ever get tired of you. I won't ever regret this. Just trust me, okay?" he asks and I nod. I take a chance and kiss him softly and he deepens the kiss. When we separate, he says "You're mine baby girl." and I just nod.

After getting my things, Lorca took care of the room, they help me put my things in my car and Herm kisses me softly and I ask "Why do they call you Koz?" He smiles and says "My last name is Kozik." he tells me and I nod. "Mine is Marshall." I tell him. Kissing me softly he says "Lee will be in front, Lorca behind you and I'll be beside you." he tells me and I nod. I get into my car and we head to the clubhouse.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

We pull up to the clubhouse and Koz helps me get my bags out as a guy in a prospect kutte runs up. Koz hands him my bags and tells him "Take them to my dorm." The guy nods and does as he's asked. We walk inside and up to the bar. "What can I get you Koz?" the girl behind the bar asks. "Beer and one for my girl." he tells her and she nods. "Welcome doll." she says as she sits a beer in front of both of us. He sits on the barstool and pulls me back between his legs. Putting his hands on my hips, my hands go to his chest and I look at my hands. Tilting my chin up he says "Talk to me baby girl." I move closer and lay my head on his shoulder and his arms wrap around me. Kissing my temple, he whispers "I got you baby girl. I won't let you go." and he holds me even closer.

"Are you okay baby girl?" he asks and I shake my head no. He stands up and laces his fingers with mine before leading me to the dorm we will be staying in. He closes the door and sits on the bed and pulls me to sit next to him, still holding my hand. "Talk to me Shayne." he says. I pull my hand from his and say "I don't know what I'm doing here Herm." I tell him. "What do you think you're doing here?" he asks. "I know I'm here so you can keep me safe, but Herm, why? Why do you care?" I ask. I stand from the bed and say "I'm an addict who's only good for one thing and you heard Kris. They had to drug me to have fun. You don't want that Herm." I tell him. I am pacing back and forth. I stop and look at my bags and he stands. He walks over to me and cups my face. "Baby girl, listen to me. I want this. I want you. They hurt you and I don't think there's a fucking thing wrong with you." he tells me. "Herm, I have to go. You have to let me go." I tell him. Kissing me softly he asks "Do you want to be with me?" I shake my head no and he says "Bull shit. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want to be with me." I don't look at him and don't say anything. "Do you want to be with me baby girl? It's a simple question." he says softly. "Yes." I whisper. Kissing my lips softly he says "Then you're mine. You're my girl and I'm yours." he tells me. I finally look at him and he says "You belong with me." I nod my head and he kisses me softly and I let him deepen the kiss.

We finally walk out ot the main room and he starts introducing me to some of his other brothers. "Welcome to the family little one." Donut tells me. "Thank you." I say softly. I look at Herm and he sees how nervous I am. Leading me over to where Lee was sitting, we sit at the table with him and a woman. "Baby girl, this is Lee's Old Lady Kelly. Kelly, this is my girlfriend Shayne." he introduces us. "Welcome Shayne. If you need anything, let me know." she says and I say "Thanks Kelly." I start looking around and seeing all of these women that are thinner than me and prettier than me and barely wearing any clothes. "Don't worry about them. They're sweetbutts. They give you any problems, you tell me." he tells me and I just nod.

A little later, we head to the dorm to sleep and I say "I'm gonna shower." but still won't look him in the eye. I get my clothes and head into the bathroom and he grabs my hand and stops me. I stop but don't look at him. He tilts my chin up and kisses me softly and says "I'll be right here." I nod and head inside. I get into the shower and start to sob. Soon enough he'll see what Kris did. I wish he would just let me leave but I know that won't happen.

I get out of the shower and am laying in bed. I lay on one side with my back to him and he lays behind me with his arm around me. I hear his breathing even out telling me he's sleeping but I can't. The more I think about things the more I want to use. I can't get to sleep so I slip out of bed and into the main room. Walking outside in my leggings and my long sleeve shirt, I walk over to one of the picnic tables and sit on top. I am lost in my thoughts when someone sits down next to me. "You okay?" Lee asks. "I don't know." I tell him. "It's an adjustment but little one, we won't let anyone hurt you again." he tells me. "I know but I just feel bad being here." I tell him. He looks at me confused and I say "I appreciate everything you guys are doing for me and I want to be with Herm but he deserves better than what I can give him." I tell him. "Little one, let me tell you something." Lee says. "Before he brought you here, when you would call and check in, he would sit here an look at his phone after you two talked and you could see it on his face that he wanted to call you back. He'd spend a lot of time at the bar, just looking at his beer bottle, lost in his thoughts, thinking about you." he tells me. "He shouldn't have. I'm not worth it." I tell him before getting off the table and walking back inside. I walk to the kitchen and get a cup of coffee and sit on one of the couches.

A little later, I am still sitting there, looking into my cup of cold coffee when Herm kneels in front of me. "You okay baby girl?" he asks. I don't look up but say "Couldn't sleep. Didn't want to wake you." Tilting my chin up to look at him, he says "Come on. Let's go to bed." he tells me. I nod and one of the sweetbutts takes the cup from me and he leads me to the dorm. We walk in and he closes and locks the door. Pulling me to the bed, we get into bed and he pulls me close to snuggle into his chest. Wrapping his arms around me and tilts my chin up again and kisses me softly before saying "Baby girl, please believe me. I want this. I want you." he tells me. I snuggle closer and we both just lay there.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next morning, I feel him start to stir but I still haven't been to sleep. I feel him pull me closer and I start to sob again. I feel his hold on me tighten and he whispers "I got you baby girl." I pull away from him and sit up on the side of the bed. He sits up and says "Talk to me baby girl." I wipe the tears that fall and say "I don't know what to do Herm. The more I think about shit the more I want to use." I tell him. "We can hit a meeting if you want." he tells me. I just nod my head yes.

An hour later, we are in a meeting. "Anyone else like to share?" the mediator asks. I raise my hand before standing and heading to the podium. "I'm Shayne and I'm an addict." I say and feel a tear fall. I wipe it away quickly and say "The last few days have been really bad. All I seem to do is cry and it takes everything I can to not pick up the phone and call my dealer. I don't want to be here anymore." I say and I start to sob. Before I know it, I feel Herm's arms around me pulling me close to him. He whispers in my ear "I got you baby girl. Fuck. I promise I'll make it okay." he tells me and I collapse in his arms.

I get myself calmed down and it's just me, Herm and the moderator in the room. "I'm sorry." I say softly but don't look at them. "Don't apologize for how you feel. Let me tell you something." Jamie, the moderator, says. "When I first started using, I wanted to forget what was happening to me. My husband was beating me and letting his friends rape me. When I used, I didn't care what he did to me but after I started getting sober, it all started hitting me what he did to me. I tried to kill myself three times. I didn't want to be here but my sponsor told me that I needed to talk to someone to get help dealing with everything. Someone I trusted." she tells me. "Baby please tell me what you need to get through this?" Herm asks. "I don't know." I tell him softly. "Do you have someone you can talk to?" Jamie asks. "Herm." I tell her and motioned to him. She looks at Herm and he says "We have someone that our group goes to when we need to talk things out. I think she could help you babe." Herm says and I look at him. "Kelly." he tells me and I nod.

A little later, we are back at the clubhouse and as soon as we walk in, he leads me over to where Lee and Kelly are and I don't look up at them. "You okay Sweetheart?" Lee asks. I shake my head no. He looks at Kelly and says "Use the chapel." She nods and leads me inside. We sit down at the table and she says "Talk to me doll." I don't look at her but say "I have so much shit running through my head." I say. "Well, let's start with this. Just tell me the first thought that comes in your head." she tells me. "I wish he would let me go." I whisper. "Who?" she asks. "Herm." I tell her. "Do you not want to be with him?" she asks. "That's the thing. I do but, Kelly, I'm so messed up. He deserves better than that. I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to find my dealer and get enough to just end it. I can't handle this shit and he's still out there looking for me. Why can't I just be done?" I ask and I'm sobbing so hard that I can't catch my breath. She cups my face and says "Look at me sweetie. Breathe with me. In with me. Out with me." she says. I finally get my breathing under control and she says "I want you to listen to me. We all want you here. I've known Koz for a long time and I've never seen him with anyone like he is with you. All he wants is to be with you and make you happy." she tells me. "How do I get past this?" I ask. "First of all, you stop talking about wanting to end shit. You belong here baby girl. You belong with your Old Man." she tells me. "You have to trust that he will take care of things." she tells me. I just nod. "Can you tell Herm to come in here please?" I ask. "Yeah baby. But if you need to talk, you find me." she tells me and I nod. "Thank you." I say softly. She kisses the top of my head and heads out the door.

As soon as she leaves, Herm comes in and takes her place. "How are you holding up baby girl?" he aks. "I'm not. Herm, I don't know if I can do this." I tell him. "Do what baby?" he asks. "I want to be with you. I want this to work and I want us to be happy but he's still out there looking for me. Herm, I'm scared and stressed out. I'm freaking out. I mean, all you've done is try to take care of me and protect me and I know I'm not worth it. Herm, you heard Kris. They had to drug me to have any fun. You'll see what he saw soon enough…" I ramble and next thing I know his lips are on mine and when we he asks "You done?" I nod my head yes and he says "Now, I want you to listen to me. You are worth it. You're more than worth it. You make me feel shit I never thought I would. All I fucking think about is you. Sleeping next to you, waking up next to you, it feels normal. It feels right. Is it so hard to believe that I could love you?" he asks and I look at him shocked. I shake my head and he cups my face to stop me. "I love you. But I need you to trust me. I promise I'll make this better baby and when I do, I want you to have my crow. I want to show everyone that you're mine. Do you understand me?" he asks softly. I nod my head yes. "You love me?" I ask softly. Kissing my lips softly, he says "I love you." I kiss him again and say "I love you too Herm."

We come out of the chapel and Lee walks up. "Take your Old Lady and get some sleep. I know she's not slept. In the morning, we have church. We think we have an idea on how to get rid of your little problem." Lee says. Herm nods his head and I move to hug Lee. "Thank you." I say. "We got you little one. You're one of us now." he tells me and I pull away. Walking back over to Herm, we walk to the dorm and as soon as we lay down, he pulls me close and I fall asleep in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Waking up the next morning, I open my eyes and see him laying there watching me. "Did you sleep?" I ask. "Some. Worried about you." he tells me. I lean up and kiss him softly and whisper "I love you." Pulling me closer, he says "I love you too baby girl." We lay there for a minute when we hear a knock on the door. "Church in ten brother." we hear Lorca say. We get up and get dressed and walk out to the main room. Prospect hands Koz a cup of coffee before putting one in front of me and he kisses me softly. "Stay here and I'll be out soon." he says. "I will." I tell him softly. Putting his forehead to mine, he whispers "I'll make this better." I nod and kiss him softly.

Taking his seat at the table, Lee starts the meeting. "How's she doing?" as he looks at Koz. "Not good. She finally slept last night for a little bit but it wasn't restful. She mumbled in her sleep last night. I could hear some of what she was saying. She was dreaming about that fucker raping her. All I could do was pull her closer. I gotta find this fucker and end him and his little peckerhead fuck buddies." Koz says. "Well, we've had a couple of scouts out looking. Following him the last few days and looks like him and his little butt buddies have been looking for her so we have a plan." Lee says. Koz looks at them and says "They need to see her moving her things back into the motel." Lorca says. "Fuck that." Koz says and Donut speaks up. "Kelly's cousin runs the motel at the edge of town. He said that fucker came in asking if she had a room there and told him to call them if she came in. We need her to get a room and we need them to see her move her bags in. There's a back door to the room so we'll be in there too." Koz looks at him and says "Let me talk to her." Lee nods and says "If your Old Lady ain't comfortable with it, we'll figure something else out." Koz nods.

Walking out of the chapel, he walks to the bar, where I am with Kelly and says "Let's talk." I nod and he takes my hand and leads me the dorm. Sitting on the bed, he pulls me into his lap and kisses me softly. "I love you Shayne. So fucking much." he tells me. "I love you too Herm. What are you not telling me?" I ask. "Kris and his buddies are looking for you still but we found a break." he tells me. "Okay?" I say. "Kelly's cousin owns a motel. Said that Kris came looking for you and told him to call if you came looking for a room." he tells me and I just look at him. "I need to you get a room." he says. I stand up and he says "The rooms there have a back door. Kris needs to see you walk in. Kelly's cousin is going to call them and say that you called and booked a room and the prospect will call to tell us when he sees Kris pull up to watch for you. You'll pull up and take a couple of empty bags in and Donut will lead you out the back door and bring you back here while we handle it. If you aren't comfortable with that…" he says and I cut him off with a kiss. "You guys will keep me safe and when this is done, I'm all yours." I tell him and he kisses me deeply.

Walking out to the main room, we all head into the chapel and Koz pulls me into his lap. "Your Old Man tell you what the plan is?" Lee asks. "Yeah and I'm okay with it. I know you guys will keep me safe." I tell him. "That we will little one." Lorca says. I look at them and say "I just have one request please." They all look at me and I say "I want to be there." They all look at me and then at Koz. I look at Koz and he nods his okay. "First time it looks like you're not okay, we get you out of there and you don't argue." Lee tells me. "Understood. Thank you guys." I say and they all nod. I feel Koz pull me closer and when I look at him he nods slightly and I nod back.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

A couple of hours later, I have a duffle bag filled with towels to make it look like I have my things packed. "Just drive to the motel and head into the office. As soon as you're there, he will give you the key and call Kris." Koz tells me. "Okay. But you'll be there?" I ask. He cups my face and says "I'll be in the room when you get there baby girl. I promise." He looks at me and sees how nervous I am. "I love you." he tells me. "I love you." I tell him before kissing him softly. He gets into the van and heads to the motel. Once they are in place, Kelly's phone rings. "Hello...Yeah. Okay...Thanks for helping with this." she says before ending the call. "Showtime baby girl." she says and I take a deep breath and head to the car.

Walking up to the motel, I walk into the office and Carl, Kelly's cousin, tells me "Guys are in the room. I'll give you ten minutes before I call him. Room 10." he tells me. "Thank you for this." I say and he nods. I walk out and take my duffle to room 10 and take a deep breath before opening the door. I walk in and the first person I see is Koz. I drop the bag and walk over to him and he wraps his arms around me. I look at Lee and say "Carl said he'd give me 10 minutes before calling Kris." and he nods. I look at Koz and he kisses me softly.

Fifteen minutes later we hear a knock on the door. I walk over and open the door, letting him in and once he's inside, I close the door and turn to face him with Lee by my side, the guys come out of the bathroom and Kris' eyes go wide. He turns to leave and I say "Not this time." He turns back to the men behind him and Koz gets in his face. "You couldn't just walk away and leave her alone could you?" Koz asks. "Why not, she was pretty easy pussy." as he smirks at me. I don't let him get to me. I step forward and say "Well, I'm not easy pussy to him. I'm his Old Lady. And I have him and his entire club beside me. But you...you don't have shit. You're little fucking buddies. All of you raped me. You beat me. You drugged me. But I have to thank you for that part. Because me getting help, led me to the man I plan on marrying. The man I plan on having kids with. The man I want to spend the rest of my life with. This man loves me. He wants me. What you made me feel? That is something I will never feel again." I tell him. I move to Koz and kiss him softly. "Do your thing baby." He smirks and kisses me one more time and looks at Kris and says "This is gonna be fun."

They take Kris to the van and we all get inside. We pull up to a safehouse that the club owns and get him out. The guys take Kris inside and Koz stops me. "Did you mean what you said?" he asks. I look at him and ask "About marrying you and having kids with you?" I ask and he nods. I kiss him deeply and say "Absolutely. Herm, I'm still fucked up and I'm still doubting myself but the one thing I've not doubted the first time was you. I want to be your wife and have your babies. I want my happy ever after with you." I tell him. He crashes his lips with mine as he holds me close to him. When we separate, he says "As soon as this is done, you're mine." I smile and say "I'm already yours." Kissing me softly he says "But now it will be official. I want you to wear my crow." he tells me. "Okay baby." I say back.

Walking inside, Lorca meets us at the door and says "He's tied to a chair in the kitchen." We nod and head that way. Walking in, I see Kris sitting there and he just glares at me. That gives me an idea. I look at Koz and then the rest of the guys. "Can we get a minute with Kris please?" Lee looks at me and I move closer to Koz and Lee smirks. "Let's take a smoke brothers." They all nod and head outside. "What are you thinking baby girl?" he asks. I look at Kris, watching us and I turn back to Koz and say "I think Kris needs to see who I belong to." Koz smirks before picking me up and putting me on the counter behind us. Pulling my pants off and then my panties, before undoing his pants and entering me. Koz fucks me hard and fast while I look over his shoulder at Kris and see him watching me. I feel myself inching closer to my release and as soon as I find mine, Koz finds his inside me.

Koz puts me down and we redress. Koz calls Lee to let him know that they can come back inside. I walk over to Kris and say "You like what you saw? That looks on my face when he made me cum? You never saw that look on me before. You know why? Because you never satisfied me. You never cared if I was satisfied or not as long as you got off. But here's the thing. This man? He always makes sure I am satisfied. He makes sure I am happy and safe. He makes sure that I am comfortable. But most of all, he makes sure I know that I am loved. He's been so good to me. Once he's done with you, you will nothing more than a mistake from my past. This man is my present and my future." I tell Kris. I turn to Koz and say "Make it hurt baby." Koz kisses me hard and I move back to stand by Lee.

While Koz is torturing Kris, I just sit and watch. Lee leans over and says "I'm proud of you baby girl." I look at him and say "It helps when I have my big brothers behind me." He smiles and says "And your Old Man." I look back at Koz, doing his thing, and say "And my Old Man." An hour later, Koz finally puts the final bullet into Kris' skull. He turns to look at me and I smile softly and nod letting him know I'm okay. I look at the guys and say "Thank you guys. I love you all. I hope you know that." They all nod and I look at Koz and say "But you. I love you more than anything." He smirks and says "Good because I ain't letting you go." He crashes his lips with mine before the guys start cleaning up the mess and getting rid of Kris' body.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

When we get back to the clubhouse, I pull him to the dorm and to the shower. Getting in, I know he needs that release so I pull him close and back myself against the shower wall. Pulling him down to kiss me, he picks me up and without a word, he enters me and starts fucking me hard and fast and I can't help losing myself to him. I find my release and he finds his right behind me. Putting his forehead against mine, still inside me, I whisper "Marry me." He kisses me softly and says "Tomorrow." I look at him and smile softly. "Tomorrow."

Getting into bed, he pulls me close and I whisper "Thank you baby." He looks at me and I say "You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Tomorrow can't get here fast enough." I tell him. "In the morning, we'll head to the courthouse and get married and I can have Happy give you my crow when we get back." he tells me. "Sounds like a plan baby. You know the guys are going to want to party after right?" I ask. "I know." he says smirking. Hovering over me, we go for another round before falling asleep.

The next morning, we head to the courthouse and get married. As we walk out, I say "I want to go to a meeting." I tell him. "Okay." he says and looks at me concerned. "We need to share with our NA family." I tell him and he smiles. Walking into the church, we head in and sit on the back row like always. He reaches over and takes my hand and when the mediator asks if anyone else would like to share, I raise my hand. Walking up to the podium, I start. "Hi. I'm Shayne and I'm an addict." I say and they all say hello back. "A lot has changed since my last share and I thought it was important to share with you all. I've been through a lot in the last couple of years. Being beaten, raped, drugged. My first time here, I honestly wanted to die. I've had a few weak moments but my sponsor has been there for me every step of the way. Even when I tried to push him away. He's been my rock. Showed me that I was worth something more than just a tool to use and toss away. I never thought I was worth anything. But he showed me different. Showed me that he loves me and wants me. So I married him." I say and look back at Koz and you see everyone else look at me shocked and then him and they all start clapping for us.

After the meeting, we head to the clubhouse and as soon as we walk in, he tells everyone "Come take a shot with us." Lee looks at us confused and we hold up our shots and so do they. "To life, family, love and making my Old Lady my wife." he says and they all look at us with big smiles on our faces. "When did this happen?" Lee asks after we all take our shots. "This morning. Went to the courthouse." Koz says. Lee hugs me and says "I'm happy for you Little One." I smile and say "Thanks Lee." Everyone congratulates us and we start to party. Happy comes out to the main room with his tattoo kit and I sit down at one of the tables. "Where?" he asks. I look at Koz and he says "Right forearm. Where everyone can see." He leans down and kisses me softly and says "I love you." I smile and say "I love you more."

After Happy finished giving me Koz's crow, he picks me up and carries me to the dorm to officially claim me as his wife. Entering me slowly, he makes love to me nice and slow until we both find our release. Laying beside me, on his back, I drape myself across his chest and place soft kisses to his bare chest. "I love you Herman." I say. "I love you too Shayne." He says and looks at me concerned. Kissing him softly, I say "I have never been happier in my life." He smiles against my lips before turning me onto my back and starts to claim me again.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Waking up the next morning, I am on my side with my back to Herm and his arms are around me, holding me close. I feel him pull me closer as he starts to stir. "Good morning Mrs Kozik." he whispers. I turn in his arms and whisper "A good morning it is." as I kiss his lips. He looks into my eyes and then smiles. "You're really happy aren't you?" he asks. "I've never been this happy. I don't know how I got so lucky Herm. I've got a man that loves me. A family that welcomed me with open arms, no questions asked." I say and he says "Only thing missing is the kid." I look at him shocked and ask "Really?" He kisses me gently and says "Really." I smile and say "I'll come off my birth control." He hovers over me to kiss me softly and we begin to make love all over again.

After finding our release, we get dressed and head out for coffee. I had tossed out my birth control pills this morning so we were actively trying for a baby. Walking out to the bar, he sits on the barstool and pulls me between his legs. The prospect puts a coffee in front of both of us and says "I didn't get a chance to tell you last night but congrats guys. We're all happy for you." I smile and say "Thank Trey." and Koz looks at him and says "That means a lot brother." and you see Trey smile. "How much longer does he have?" I ask. "About three more months." Koz tells me. "I hope he patches. He's been like a little brother to me since I've been here." I tell him and he smiles. "I'm sure he will." He tells me before kissing me one more time.

After a while, I'm sitting at the bar, looking into my coffee cup, lost in thought while Koz is working in the shop. Kelly sits beside me and asks "You good little one?" I look at her and smile softly. "Yeah. Just thinking about things." I tell her. "Wanna share?" she asks. "Just...things are so different now. I'm not looking over my shoulder all the time. I'm not constantly wanting that fix. I'm married to a man that loves me and has proven that he would do anything to protect me and so have the rest of the men in the family. I have a family and now we're trying for a baby." I tell her. "Are you happy?" she asks. "I don't think I have ever been happier. The only thing missing is my parents being here to see all of this." I tell her. "Do you think they would have liked Koz?" she asks. "Oh yeah. Just the simple fact that he's so good to me, they would have loved him. That was the thing about my parents. They didn't judge people. They took the time to actually talk to people. They would have loved all of you." I tell her. "Good. Because we love you and we're not letting you go." she says laughing. "Kelly, you're my best friend. I don't know what I would do without you and Koz. And Lee is like my big brother. I love you guys." I tell her and a tear starts to fall.

A little later, Koz comes in and as soon as he walks up, I pull him close and say "I love you baby." He looks at me and smiles and says "I love you too. You okay?" he asks. "Only thing that would make me better is if my husband knocks me up." I smirk. "Fuck yeah." he says before pulling me to the dorm and as soon as he locks the door, he's picking me up and tossing me on the bed. Hovering over me he just looks at me a second. "What?" I ask, smiling softly. "I love you." he says softly. "I love you too baby." I say as I caress his face. He leans into my touch and he kisses me softly and I whisper against his lips "Love me Herm." Crashing his lips with mine, we start to shed clothes before he enters me and makes love to me nice and slow and I have never felt more love than I have with this man.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

It's been a few days and Koz and I haven't been able to keep our hands off each other. Walking out to the bar, I sit down next to Koz with my coffee when Kelly walks up. "Morning little one." she says. "Morning Kelly." I say back. She takes the barstool next to me and she asks "You want to do a little shopping today?" I smile and say "Yeah. We can do that." I tell her and Koz pulls me closer. "I'll meet you out front in a few." she tells me and I nod. I look at Koz and he kisses me softly. "Please be careful. I love you." he tells me. "I love you baby." I tell him before kissing him again.

Walking out to meet Kelly, we get into her car and head off the lot. "What's up?" I ask, knowing she wants to talk. "Something was said and I wanted you to hear it from me." she tells me. "What's that?" I ask. "One of the girls overheard Lanie say that she thought she could take Koz away from you." she tells me. "The hell she can." I tell Kelly. "I know that and you know that but, honey, this is something you gotta nip in the bud." she tells me. "I know and I need to set the example and send a message. You've been doing this a lot longer than I have. What would you do?" I ask. "Lee is throwing a party tonight. What I would do is call her out during the party and bounce the bitch off the floor." she tells me. "Then it would take care of her and let the others know I won't put up with it." I tell her and she nods.

We do a little shopping and we head back to the clubhouse. As soon as we walk in, Koz is at the bar drinking a beer and without a word, I grab his hand and pull him along with me and hear the guys cheering behind us. We get to the dorm and he locks the door behind us. I drop my bags and pull him close and crash my lips with his as he holds me closer. When we separate, he smirks and asks "What brought that on?" I pull him to the bed and sit him down and say "While we were shopping, Kelly told me about Lanie talking about that she can take you from me. I just want you to be prepared because I will be putting that gash in her place tonight and I need you to make sure no one stops me." I tell him. "I got you babe." he tells me. I stand up and pull him with me. "We need a shower hubby." I say. "Yes we do wifey." he says and I start laughing as I pull him into the bathroom.

That night, we are all in the clubhouse and the party is in full swing. I am standing by the pool table with Koz and he's sitting on one of the high back chairs and I am standing between his legs, facing him and we are kissing. In between kisses he says "I love you." I smile and say "I love you too." and it's like we are the only ones there. I see Koz look over my shoulder and he whispers "She's watching us." I kiss him softly and say "Time to school this gash." before kissing him one more time. I walk over to her and she stands a little taller. "Heard you think you can take my Old Man from me?" I ask. "Honey, he's not going to stick with a fat ass when he can have me." she tells me and I laugh. "Really? Honey he can't keep his hands off my fat ass. But let me tell you something. You even try to touch my Old Man, and _Honey_ I will slit your fucking throat." I tell her. She steps up and gets into my face and asks "That a fact?" I smirk and say "Oh yeah." She smirks back and says "Bring it." I grab her by her hair and slam her face into the bar before she hits the floor. I put my foot on her throat and say "Touch my man and I'll be mailing your tits to your momma. You understand whore?" She nods her head the best she can and I let her up. I look around the room and say "Anyone else want to test me?" All the whores shake their heads no. "Treat me with respect and I'll show you the same. Disrespect me and I got no problem throwing down." I say before walking over to Herm and crashing my lips with his as he pulls me closer. When we separate, I say "Take your wife to bed Herman." He smirks before doing just that.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Herm and I spent the entire night with him inside me. I wake up with the bed empty and an ache between my legs. Getting up, I get dressed and head out to the main room for coffee. Walking up to the bar, Kelly is sitting there and I see the chapel doors closed. "Everything okay?" I ask. "I don't know. They've been in there about an hour." she tells me and I nod. A little later, the guys walk out and Herm walks up to me and takes my hand and says "Let's talk." I nod and we head to the dorm.

Walking into the dorm, he sits on the bed and pulls me to straddle him. "Herm? What's wrong?" I ask. "I have to head to Charming. They need bodies down there." he tells me. "Okay. When do you leave?" I ask. "I told them I wasn't leaving without you. I don't know how long I'll be there. Lee's making sure that we have somewhere set up before we head out." he tells me. "Are you sure? I mean, I can stay here if you need me to." I tell him and he shakes his head. "You're my wife. I want you with me. I won't be able to keep my head where I need it if I know you're here and not able to make sure you're okay." he tells me and I nod. "When do we leave?" I ask. "Not for a couple of days." he tells me and I kiss him softly. "Okay baby." I say and we spend some time just kissing and being together.

It's been a couple of days and we are heading out. Herm is on his bike and I am in my car. I hug Kelly and the guys and Kelly tells me to call her when we get to Charming. We head out and start the drive to Charming, California. We drive on through and make it there in just under twelve hours before pulling onto the Teller Morrow lot. Getting off his bike, he walks to my car and when I get out, he laces his fingers with mine before walking me over to the men walking towards us. "Hey Kozik." a man says as he hugs Herm. "Who's this pretty lady?" the man asks. "Babe this is SAMCRO's pres Clay. Clay, this is my Old Lady, my wife, Shayne." Herm says proudly. "Nice to meet you sweetheart." I nod and say "Nice to meet you too." Herm leads me over to meet everyone else and when we meet Tig, he says "Little young for your old ass ain't she?" and the guys laugh a little. "Jealous Tiggy?" Herm asks and smirks. "Little bit." he says. Turning to me, Tig says "When you get tired of his old ass, I'm always available." I smile and say "Sorry Tiggy. Only one man I call Daddy but if I ever have Grampa issues, you'll be my first stop." I say and they all laugh. "You're gonna fit in just fine." Jax tells me.

We are sitting at the bar and I tell Herm. "I need to let Kelly know we made it." He nods and says "Stay on the compound." I nod and Gemma says "I'll walk out with her." Herm kisses me softly and Gemma and I walk out the door. I call Kelly and when she answers I say "We made it. Been here about forty-five minutes. Meeting everyone." I tell her. "Good. We can all relax now. We were just waiting to hear you guys made it. Get some rest and call me tomorrow." she tells me and we say our goodbyes before ending the call.

Sitting on top of one of the picnic tables, Gemma asks "How long have you and Koz been married?" I smile and say "Just got married about a week ago." I tell her. "Newlyweds. That's good baby. Congrats." she tells me and I smile. "You need anything, let me know." she adds. "Actually, there is something. I was worried about moving here because in Tacoma, we were going to NA meetings. You know of any around here?" I ask. "You're an addict?" she asks. "Recovering." I tell her. "Herm know?" she asks. "He does. He's actually my sponsor. That's how I met him. I went to a meeting after almost OD'ing. The guy I was seeing, him and his buddies would shoot me up when they wanted to rape me. Herm offered to be my sponsor. Took care of the guys that were raping me and claimed me. It was rough at first but we made it work." I tell her. "That's good baby. I'll look into some meetings around here for you. But if you need anything. I mean it. You tell me. We are all here for you." she tells me. "Thanks Gemma." I tell her.

We head back inside and after spending some time hanging with everyone, we claim a dorm to crash. "You and Gemma seem to be hitting it off." he says. "We are. I like her. She was telling me that if we need anything to let her know and I asked her about finding some meetings around here and she's going to look for us. I don't want us to stop going to meetings just because we're here." I tell him. "That's fine babe. We're going to be fine." he says. "I know I will. As long as I'm with you." I tell him and he smiles before pulling me into his arms and we both fall asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Waking up the next morning, we head out to the main room for coffee. "What's the plan for today?" I ask and Gemma walks up. "You're Old Man has a shift in the garage and you, sweetheart, are going to have some girl time with me and the other Old Ladies to give you a chance to get to know them and relax a little." I look at Herm and he smiles before nodding at me that it's okay. I look at Gemma and say "I would love that. Thank you." She kisses my cheek and says "We leave in thirty." I nod and look back at Herm. "Anything I need to know?" he asks. "Nah. The ladies here are good. I think you'll like them." he tells me and I nod. He pulls me close and says "Still want you to be careful." I nod and kiss him softly.

Thirty minutes later, I kiss Koz goodbye. "I love you." I whisper. "Love you more babe. Have fun and relax a little." he tells me and I nod. I walk over to Gemma and get into her SUV and see two ladies in the back. "Shayne, this is Tara, Jax's Old Lady and Lyla, Opie's Old Lady. Girls, this is Shayne, Kozik's Old Lady." she tells them. "Hey." I say and they both say hi back.

Our first stop was a salon. We walk in and Gemma says "Morrow, party of five." The receptionist nods and leads us into a back room. We see there are several stations set up and Gemma says "We all need mani/pedi's, Shayne, you said you wanted a new look right?" she asks. "Yeah. I need something that says I'm not the same person I was before." I tell the girl and she says "I know just what you need."

After we get done at the salon and I have a completely new look. I cut about a foot off of my hair and got it layered, we go shopping for new clothes. After we get done, we are back in the SUV and I look at the girls and say "Thank you for this. I really needed this." They all smile and Gemma says "Well, we do this about once a month so you're welcome to go with us." she tells me and I can't help but smile.

We pull up at the clubhouse and get out of the SUV with our bags. I walk up behind Herm and wrap my arms around him and he knows it's me. He turns around in my arms and sees my new look. "Fuck. You look amazing babe." he says before kissing me softly. "You like it?" I ask. "Oh yeah." he says before he starts kissing on my neck. I whisper in his ear "Show me Daddy." He growls against my neck before picking me up and carrying me to the dorm we are sharing.

Closing the door behind us, I drop the bags onto the floor and he tosses me down on the bed. Hovering over me, he crashes his lips with mine before whispering against my lips "I love you." I smile and say "I love you too." He kisses me again and we start shedding clothes in between kisses and he enters me. "Fuck Shayne. You feel so fucking good." he moans as he thrusts in and out hard and fast. "Don't stop Herm. Fuck me Daddy." I moan and he growls against my lips. I find my release as he finds his inside me. Pulling out, he lays beside me and pulls me into his arms. I look up at him and he kisses me softly and he just looks at me. "What is it?" I ask. "Thank you for coming with me." he says. I look at him confused and say "Babe, we're married. I go where you go. To me home is not a place. It's you. You're my home." I tell him. And he kisses me again. "And you're mine." he says before pulling me closer and I lay my head against his chest as we come down from our blissful high.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Walking back out into the main room, we walk to the bar and I am standing between his legs. He is nuzzling against my neck and placing soft kisses. I hear someone clear their throat and see one of the croweaters standing there. "Are you done yet? The rest of us want a shot at him." she asks. I laugh and say "No honey. He's off limits." I tell her before turning back to Koz. He kisses me one more time and the girl is still standing there. We both look at her and finally Koz says "She's not a sweetbutt. She's my Old Lady. My wife." he tells the girl and she rolls her eyes. "That's never stopped these guys before." she says and smirks. "I'm not them." he says and turns back to me. "We'll see." she says before walking off. I pull away from Koz and look at her as she walks away. "Hey." he says as he turns my face to look at him. "No. You have nothing to worry about." he tells me. I just nod and snuggle back into him.

A little later, I am sitting at the bar still, looking into a cup of coffee. Koz comes over and stands next to me. "Come on." he tells me and I look up at him. "Meeting." he tells me and I nod. We head out to his bike and head to one of the meetings that Gemma got us the information for. Walking in, we sit in the back and he laces his fingers with mine. "Anyone else want to share?" the moderator asks. "I will." I say.

I walk up to the podium and say "I'm Shayne and I'm an addict." They all say hello and I start. "I just moved here a week ago with my husband and I met a new part of his family. That's a good thing and they are supportive but there are some people that hang around the family that have been around longer than I have and the more I look at them, the more insecure I feel and the more insecure I feel, the more I want to use. I haven't but it's hard to fight it when I keep hearing all the same things running through my head telling me that if I use, maybe it would kill me and everyone would be happy. I know that's not true because I know how much my husband loves me and wants me but it's still running through my head and it won't stop. That makes me want to use even more. I won't though. Because every time it crosses my mind, my husband is there to remind me that I have everything I want and need. Thank you." I tell them and step down. I walk back over to Herm and took my seat next to him.

After the meeting, we head to the diner for coffee like we used to do in Tacoma. "I didn't know you were feeling that way." he tells me. "I know. I was trying to sort it out for myself." I tell him. "You know I won't cheat right?" he asks. I smile softly at him and say "I know. That's one thing that's never even entered my mind. I know they are going to try to though." I tell him. "And we will handle it." he tells me and I just nod. "I love you." he tells me. I look back at him and say "I love you too." We finish our coffee and head back to the clubhouse.

Walking into the clubhouse, we walk up to the bar and I order water while Herm orders a beer. Gemma walks up and asks "You okay baby?" I nod and say "Yeah. Needed a meeting." I tell her and she looks at me concerned. "Just dealing with my own demons." I tell her and she nods. She pats my shoulder and walks over to Clay. Herm pulls me closer and while we are standing there, the same croweater from earlier walks over and asks "Wanna have some fun Koz?" He looks at her and says "Not with you." and he goes back to kissing me. "But Koz…" she starts and I look at her and say "He's mine. He's never going to touch you so fuck off." I tell her and she looks at me shocked. Koz smirks and stands before pulling me to the dorm and says "Let's have some fun baby." and I start laughing as he pulls me to the dorm to bury himself inside me.


End file.
